**Trigger Warning:** The following article addresses sensitive and potentially distressing topics, including pedophilia, sexual assault, church abuse, and suicide. While we have included this trigger warning, please note that all matters discussed are considered alleged. Reader discretion is strongly advised. If you find these subjects triggering or overwhelming, we encourage you to approach this content with caution and seek support from trusted individuals or mental health professionals. If you or someone that you know are having thoughts of suicide, please consider calling 911 or 988 to seek out help.**
Toreka James, also known by their Facebook name Eternity Philops, shared a deeply personal and emotional testimony in October 2023. Toreka identifies as Agender, Genderqueer, and Gender Fluid, and their story, detailed on their Facebook page, speaks to the LGBTQIA+ community’s continued struggle for visibility and understanding. At the core of Toreka’s experience is a complex and painful relationship with the First Lady of their childhood church, Providence Holy Church, in Raleigh, North Carolina. This church, originally under the leadership of Pastor Buckham, transitioned leadership to the Spence family. Toreka alleges that their relationship with the First Lady, Sonya Spence (the pastor has remarried and her last name is now Walker), spanned years and caused significant emotional and psychological trauma.
In a powerful Facebook post dated October 22, 2023, Toreka detailed how they revealed to their mother and younger sisters the truth they had kept for over two decades: from the age of 18, they had been in a long-term sexual relationship with First Lady Sonya Spence, a trusted church leader and close friend of Toreka’s mother. This revelation was met with both shock and heartbreak, particularly for Toreka’s mother, who had trusted Sonya as a mentor to her child, unaware of the abusive nature of the relationship.
Toreka’s Facebook post, shared publicly, recounts the intricate details of this alleged abusive relationship, which began when Toreka was just 18 and continued throughout their college years. According to Toreka, the relationship started with Sonya Spence, who held a position of power, initiating sexual contact. While Toreka was legally an adult at the time, they reflect on how this relationship was, in fact, abusive—rooted in an imbalance of power, age, and authority. Toreka shares how they didn’t realize the extent of the abuse until years later, when they reached the age that Sonya had been at the beginning of the relationship.
Toreka writes poignantly about the confusion, guilt, and shame they carried for years, noting that they didn’t initially see themselves as a victim. It wasn’t until they were well into their 30s that they came to understand the dynamic as an exploitative abuse of power. The realization that they had been taken advantage of by someone they trusted deeply led to a profound emotional reckoning. This betrayal was further complicated by the fact that Sonya Spence was not only a church leader but a vocal advocate of conservative, anti-gay values in the pulpit—a sharp contradiction to the secret relationship she allegedly had with Toreka.
In their post, Toreka describes how, after years of silence, they finally confronted the truth of the relationship and sought healing by sharing their story with their family. This process was a painful one, not only for Toreka but for their mother, who had been betrayed by a friend she trusted. Toreka recalls how their mother’s first words after hearing the truth were “I’m Sorry”, an apology that she never intended to receive—a heartfelt acknowledgment of the pain Toreka had endured and a recognition of the mother’s unknowing role in allowing this relationship to develop.
Toreka also recounts how, during the time of the relationship, they were led to believe that the affair was consensual, that they had initiated it, and that they were the ones in control. It was only later that they realized this was far from the truth. Toreka now recognizes that the relationship, which began when they were just a teenager, was a form of emotional and sexual abuse perpetuated by a trusted authority figure in their life. They reflect on the complexity of abuse, noting that it doesn’t always involve physical violence but can manifest in subtle, coercive ways.
In a deeply moving passage, Toreka shares that for years, they felt responsible for protecting Sonya, keeping their relationship a secret to avoid the shame and judgment they anticipated from their conservative church community. They recount an instance during a church trip to New York, where they and Sonya were intimate in a hotel room, and how two church members overheard and confronted them—not Sonya—about the incident. Toreka highlights how, even when others knew what was happening, the blame was placed on them, the younger, vulnerable party, rather than on the adult who had allegedly abused their trust.
Toreka’s story is also a broader reflection on the failure of religious institutions to protect vulnerable members of their community, particularly LGBTQIA+ individuals. They note how many churches, including their own, perpetuate harmful ideologies about homosexuality and often fail to address or even acknowledge abuse occurring within their walls. Toreka’s testimony sheds light on the often-overlooked issue of sexual abuse within religious settings and the devastating impact it can have on victims.
The emotional toll of the abuse Toreka endured is clear in their recounting of the relationship’s end. When Sonya moved on with her life, leaving Toreka behind, Toreka experienced deep depression and even contemplated suicide. It wasn’t until they sought professional help and began the process of healing that they were able to confront the reality of what had happened. Toreka credits their spiritual journey, outside of the confines of the church that had caused them so much pain, with helping them find peace and healing.
In their post, Toreka expresses uncertainty about what will happen “now” (2023) that they’ve shared their story publicly. They wondered if people believed them, if Sonya will face any consequences for her actions, or if they will face backlash for speaking out. Despite these fears, Toreka remained committed to telling their truth and finding healing through the process of sharing their story with the world.
Toreka’s story is one of resilience and courage. It is a testament to the power of speaking out against abuse, even when doing so is terrifying and comes with potential risks. Their willingness to confront their past and share their journey toward healing is a powerful example for others who may be experiencing similar situations. Toreka’s story reminds us that abuse can happen in many forms and that healing often comes from the difficult process of speaking the truth.
In their last Facebook post, Toreka (Eternity) wrote the following:
July 25, 1983 to September 7, 2024
“I did the best I could with what I had, I’m sorry it wasn’t enough but now I don’t have to live for anyone else anymore, I can finally die for me.”
Tragically, Toreka (Eternity) took their own life shortly after making their final post. With over 100 shares and over 300 comments, it is clear that those who followed their journey, truly loved and appreciated who they were and now their legacy will live on. As for Pastor Sonya Spence alker, she is now the Senior Pastor of the Word Center Church in Raleigh North Carolina. I am sure that she has received word that Toreka is no longer with us and I am also sure that if what Toreka shared is accurate, that the Pastor is feeling a great deal of remorse. We here at Cocktail Hour with Catrice, send our condolences to the family of Toreka James and pray Gods loving arms of strength to be with you at this time.
Their journey toward healing, though cut short, serves as a reminder that we must listen to and support survivors of abuse, particularly within vulnerable communities. May Toreka’s story inspire others to seek justice, speak their truth, and find peace.
Source: The North Carolina Beat – Written by Gerald Jackson
For more information on Toreka James’ story, please visit our colleagues over at The North Carolina Beat.(https://thencbeat.com/north-carolina-woman-takes-her-own-life-after-disclosing-details-of-alleged-sexual-abuse-by-a-raleigh-pastor-in-a-video-series-on-facebook/).
